I'm Almost There

"Have you ever considered art therapy?"my counselor Shannon said as she flipped through my sketch book, "You are very talented." she said as she looked up and smiled at me. I replied with a grimace, partly because of her high pitched voice, mostly because she was breathing. "Now, Jolene." she started as she handed my sketch book back to me. "Tell me how you are feeling. I believe I am right in saying that you are having some trouble with your mothers's death." Shannon continued.

I sat forward and looked her in the eye. "Are you as stupid as you look? Am I having trouble with my mother's death? That is like asking someone if they can live without a heart beat. I can't sleep, I can't eat, hell, I can hardly even speak to anyone anymore. When I try to sleep, all I see is my mother's death over and over and over. When I eat, I can't help but throw it all up. I am repulsed by the fact that I didn't help her. I can't speak to anyone anymore because something about everybody reminds me of her. I don't even cut myself like a normal depressed person would do. I just imagine all the different ways I could kill myself. So are you happy? I mean, shit, I talked. Can I leave?" I finished.

"I don't think... I need to speak to an adult in authority. Do you have a family member I could call, or...?" Shannon said frantically.

"No. I live by myself. Oh, and I'm leaving now." I said as I flipped her off, and grabbed my leather jacket. I chuckled as I slammed her door on my way out.

Shannon didn't know that I wasn't upset about my mother's death at all, hell, I was ecstatic. Shannon was also unaware that my mother had it coming. Dear old Mother shouldn't have drowned my baby brother in the pool. She was supposed to be there for Jay and I. She deserved all forty two times I stabbed her.

I had another counselling session tomorrow. The state arranged them. Apparently when someone has been through as much "grief" as I had gone through because of my mother's death, therapy was the answer.

I will tell Shannon tomorrow. I will. She should know that Mom is dead because of me. Maybe she will laugh with me, or she will call the police. Who knows?

I arrived home and walked straight to the basement. As soon as I got to the safe, I opened it as fast as I could, and grabbed the blanket out of it. I opened up the blanket and stroked the face of my lifeless baby brother.

"I'm so sorry, Jay. Mommy loved you, I promise. I made sure she died so that she could be with you. Isn't that great? Tomorrow I'll be with you too. I just have to tell someone something first, okay? I love you so much Jay. I do." I told Jay.

The next day I told Shannon. She grabbed the phone to call the police, but I lightly grabbed her hand and shook my head. I walked over to her window, opened it, and jumped. By the time I hit the sidewalk below the nine story building, there was nothing they could do for me. I died saying, "Jay I'm almost there."


1 comments:

Now this one is my favorite thus far. I loved the response to the counselor after questioning you coping with your mother's death in the story. My eyes opened wide when the safe door was unlocked and you held your brother's lifeless corpse. Just to imagine how frigid his face would feel with just one touch.

 

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